Relationships have many dimensions-- layers like an onion, and planes like a stack of graphing paper. It can get confusing. It can get pretty challenging. But for my boyfriend and I we deal with more than just abstract ideas of a dimensional relationship. We really do live our life out in two different, sometimes opposing worlds-- the 3D world and the 2D world.
In the 3D world we are together, holding hands and going on walks. In the 3D world we have engaging conversations utilizing all forms of relational language--body language, eye contact, physical contact, juxtaposition, etc. We have comforting gestures like hugs, and alarming gestures like the slight wincing of an angry face. In the 3D world we spend time with our other friends in engaging conversations and activities. In the 3D world we have the comfort of quality time, my primary love language, which feeds almost purely off of proximity.
In the 2D world are are apart. We live separately, in distinct existences. His face takes on a flat, anti-tactile-like-identity, composed of pixels. His voice, and our communication, is only as good as our connection or surroundings (it seems important conversations always seem to happen when one of us is walking through a windstorm or something). He can only go where my phone or my computer goes, and no where else. Technology becomes a kind of bridge between our real (3D) selves. In fact, technology becomes a falsehood in many ways. My toddler siblings have often confused my computer with my boyfriend. The youngest repeatedly asks for Stefan, when she really desires to look at photos of Stefan on my phone, or sometimes just my phone. Though I am more able to recognize the difference between my phone and my boyfriend (obviously a good thing for our relationship), living in the 2D world does get confusing.
In all reality, however, neither of these two worlds are really easier or harder than the other, but rather different. I learn different things from both worlds. Operating most often in the 2D world means we learn to really process things together. Conflict is elongated, due to the complexity of long distance communication, but we really learn to resolve. In the 2D world, we are not able to comfort one another during conflict by an encouraging hug (which surprisingly goes a long way to making one feel resolved, as I've learned in the 3D world), so we know that when we resolve something it really is resolved. The 3D world, conversely, is obviously much more enjoyable. There are always pros and cons.
But the real struggle is the transition between the two worlds. After each time we visit, there is a transition period of 2D loathing. After spending Christmas break with my boyfriend and his family, coming back to our 2D reality felt like hell. The first time he said an inside joke we had formed while in our 3D world I cried. There is some sort of barrier between these worlds that only some sort of long travel experience can cross. Emotions have a hard time making the trip, or at least in a timely fashion. There is always lots of pain in the aftermath of the 3D-2D transition.
In the 3D world we are together, holding hands and going on walks. In the 3D world we have engaging conversations utilizing all forms of relational language--body language, eye contact, physical contact, juxtaposition, etc. We have comforting gestures like hugs, and alarming gestures like the slight wincing of an angry face. In the 3D world we spend time with our other friends in engaging conversations and activities. In the 3D world we have the comfort of quality time, my primary love language, which feeds almost purely off of proximity.
In the 2D world are are apart. We live separately, in distinct existences. His face takes on a flat, anti-tactile-like-identity, composed of pixels. His voice, and our communication, is only as good as our connection or surroundings (it seems important conversations always seem to happen when one of us is walking through a windstorm or something). He can only go where my phone or my computer goes, and no where else. Technology becomes a kind of bridge between our real (3D) selves. In fact, technology becomes a falsehood in many ways. My toddler siblings have often confused my computer with my boyfriend. The youngest repeatedly asks for Stefan, when she really desires to look at photos of Stefan on my phone, or sometimes just my phone. Though I am more able to recognize the difference between my phone and my boyfriend (obviously a good thing for our relationship), living in the 2D world does get confusing.
In all reality, however, neither of these two worlds are really easier or harder than the other, but rather different. I learn different things from both worlds. Operating most often in the 2D world means we learn to really process things together. Conflict is elongated, due to the complexity of long distance communication, but we really learn to resolve. In the 2D world, we are not able to comfort one another during conflict by an encouraging hug (which surprisingly goes a long way to making one feel resolved, as I've learned in the 3D world), so we know that when we resolve something it really is resolved. The 3D world, conversely, is obviously much more enjoyable. There are always pros and cons.
But the real struggle is the transition between the two worlds. After each time we visit, there is a transition period of 2D loathing. After spending Christmas break with my boyfriend and his family, coming back to our 2D reality felt like hell. The first time he said an inside joke we had formed while in our 3D world I cried. There is some sort of barrier between these worlds that only some sort of long travel experience can cross. Emotions have a hard time making the trip, or at least in a timely fashion. There is always lots of pain in the aftermath of the 3D-2D transition.
Oh Joanna! Your words are beautiful and they were really inspiring! It makes me love you that much more to know the complexity of your thoughts. I totally agree with everything you said too! Thanks for taking the time to write this because it makes a lot of things make more sense. Your love and trust for God is truly lovely to watch and see! I am so glad to have met you and be apart of your life as your friend!
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