Starbucks is Green

60% post-consumer materials!

Don't forget to throw this sleeve away after you use it, though. We wouldn't want you to reuse it, that's not our intention at all.

The Disgrace of Modern Children's Shows: Toddler Edition

I am going to take a look into modern-day television shows one by one.

Caillou:

     My nanny kids watch Caillou quite a bit so I'm basically an expert on this show. For those of you that for some inexcusable reason don't know every kids' television show by name, I will offer a description: This is the show that's about that bald kid that's perpetually four years old. It looks like it's drawn out with crayons.  For all of you parents, I highly recommend not looking to this show to give you any insight into parenting. For one thing, it is near impossible to distinguish Caillou's talking from his whining. Not only do they sound similar, they are both almost constantly present. 

      Secondly, Caillou's younger sister Rosie has some major growth abnormalities. Her age is both ambiguous and confusing. She drinks both juice and milk, meaning she has to be at least one. According to my recollection, she walks a little, but also does some crawling action. In spite of this, she sleeps in a bed, not a crib, which is both dangerous and stupid as a parent. She also can climb out of her bed without the help of anyone else, but for some reason sits and cries in her bed instead 90% of the time. She can also, without a doubt, understand all the conversation going on around her. She laughs at the same thing that everyone else does (as a separate critique, those things are just not funny). I know for a fact that she shouldn't find those things funny because the two-year-old that I watch it with doesn't even get the jokes, much less think they're funny. What's most surprising about her is that she can also speak in almost full sentences. I liken her speaking to that of a foreigner. Her english is improper and she often leaves out conjunctions and prepositions, but she has a full understanding of what she's saying and the words to choose. 

     The third reason to ignore all parental example given in this show is that no one in that family changes clothes-- ever. 

Barney:

      Ohhh Barney. No one over the age of ten will disagree that Barney is loud, obnoxious, and obviously unrealistic. I also have a hard time dealing with the mass amount of colors and noises in this show, but that's just a personal thing. The music is way super catchy; consequently, I have songs like "If you're happy and you know it..." or "Clean up, clean up..." or "If all the raindrops..." stuck in my head for days after a single episode. 

     I have to give the makers of Barney some props though. Unlike most of the other TV shows, Barney is pretty hardcore dedicated to teaching lessons in their episodes. I'm a fan of this because naughty children just... are a bummer. 

     My biggest problem with Barney has to do with the very premise of every episode. For the uninformed, Barney is a small stuffed animal that comes to life when the kids all come together to play. I can't help but think that all the kids are on some acid trip. How else could they all just imagination everything so vividly? I know it's a grim view, but I can't help it. 

Berenstain Bears:

     This is actually my favorite of the the toddler-oriented kids shows. It's just kinda cute. It has plots that someone older than the age of five can actually appreciate. But there's a lot of weird things about it, too. To support my case I will simply give you the lyrics to the theme song:

Somewhere deep in Bear Country
Lives the Berenstain Bear family
They're kind of furry around the torso
They're a lot like people, only more so


The bear fact is that
They're just like you and me
The only difference
Is they live in a tree


The Berenstain Bears


When things go wrong as things might do
The Berenstain Bears will find a way through
Mama, Papa, Sister and Brother
They'll always be there for each other


The bear fact is that
They can be sweet as honey
Sometimes you'll find
They might be just plain funny


The Berenstain Bears
The Berenstain Bears

The only difference is that they live in a tree? Really? Let's just confuse our children's identities until they run around with bear skin clawing things. Great. 

Fireman Sam:

     This show is awesome if you're looking for an instant headache. I challenge you to spend thirty seconds watching this show. Really. The voices of the characters are unbelievable.