The Disgrace of Modern Children's Shows: Kid Edition

None of these are good.

Spongebob:

     Spongebob is annoying and disgusting. He's a sponge. He lives in a pineapple. He periodically removes his own limbs. He has a pet snail. What about this sounds good at all? There is no quality of lesson-learning. No good.

Adventure Time:

     I abhor this show. I've seen one episode. There was some little girl (in gender only, as far as species I haven't the foggiest idea) in a tent crying. Some guy with outrageously long legs flew in and started screaming at her. He said something to the effect of (and I kid you not), "You stole my purity!" After some fighting or arguing or something, which apparently the intruder won, he said "Now that I have my purity back I can return to the Virgin Islands!" What kind of kids show says stuff like that?

     Maybe I'm judging a book by its cover. Does anyone have anything positive to say about Adventure Time (other than the ten-year-old I nanny)?

Chowder:

      This is a television show about a kid that lives in a chef's kitchen with his uncle (I think it's his uncle but maybe not) the chef. I have 3 major complaints about this show:

1) The cooking always fails. Not just a little bit, mind you. No. The cooking fails as in explodes the entire building, blows the roof off of the kitchen, turns all the pets in the town to ash-- that kind of thing.

2) Someone is always critically damaged. Someone always looses oxygen, or implodes, or is electrocuted, or falls to an abyss. Something along the general lines of too-damaged-to-come-back-to-life happens in every episode. Then of course, two seconds later, everything is back to normal.

3) The scene transitions are pictures of random food rapidly filling up the screen in different animation than the rest of the show.

I rest my  case.