Taceta

This is mostly a true story.

A few corrections are, however, required:

A) My dog's name is Takita [ta-KEE-ta].
B) He was bleeding outside his chin. There was no internal bleeding.
C) I was not hired. I was told. No payment was involved.
D) He was not thrown into an abyss, made into an abyss or anything of the like. He was, however, abused.
E) He has a scar on his stomach, not a bruise. He got frostbitten at the veterinarian's office. 


Translation (for those who still cannot read my gibberish):

Last Thursday my dog "Taceta" got hit by a car when I let him outside. I was screaming like crazy. He was bleeding inside of his chin, and some on his legs. Later that day I was hired to give him a lot of attention. He is five now. But I will never forget when I saw him get hit. I always thought he went through enough since he was abused. And he has a bruise on his stomach from when he went to the vet to get neutered. [Please read with high increase of emotion.] But that dog is strong. He will never give up, even if he is a Chihuahua. I should probably stop writing before I start crying or something. 


This has to be one of my favorite stories to read from my journal. The phrase "I was screming like curasy" is now common vernacular amidst my friends. You are welcome to pass it on. I also enjoy rehearsing "I shud probly stop riting befor I strt crying or sumthing" just because it's funny. "My dag Taceta" is a good one, too.

July

July is an interesting time of year for many reasons.

I pretty much equate July with pretty explosions because there's a firework show every weekend for the entire month, and usually more than one. This year I've made some observations about fireworks:

1) People will do anything to see them, including spending the entire day in blistering heat, or being in painfully (literally) close proximity to strangers, and sitting right next to outhouses.

2) That being said, fireworks are also a bonding experience. My family and I walked like a half mile back to our car from where we watched the fireworks in the dead of night with a huge mob of people. Everyone was talking to each other and laughing away.

3) The fireworks show is about having pretty fireworks that make people go "ooohhh" and "ahhhh".

4) The grand finale has nothing to do with seeing the fireworks and has everything to do with feeling the explosions. The game is about how loud you can be. They bring out the super lame looking ones that no one cares about just because if they fire off fifteen at a time, people will still feel like they are going to have a heart attack.

A brief guide to punctuation (revised).

As you may recall, I recently implored you all to learn to use proper punctuation. Since I feel so strongly about it, I have compiled a concise and (hopefully) helpful guide to assist you.

PERIOD:

A period (.) is used to indicate the ending of a sentence:

A period is used to indicate the ending of a sentence. 

^That sentence ended.

A period is not used to indicate emphasis:

I.L.O.V.E.Y.O.U.S.O.M.U.C.H!!!!!!!!!


This is not acceptable. This should have ended with the age of MySpace.

A period can also be used to indicate an abbreviation:

A period is used to indicate the ending of a sentence, abbreviations, etc., in order to clarify thought and communication.

COMMA:

 A comma (,) is used to separate clauses. For those that are less informed in the realm of grammar, a comma can be used to indicate a new direction a sentence is taking. For instance, take this sentence:

For those that are less informed in the realm of grammar, a comma can be used to indicate a new direction a sentence is taking.

There are two clauses in the above sentence, one before the comma and one after it. The one after the comma is the independent clause because it can stand alone. I could have simply said "a comma can be used to indicate a new direction a sentence is taking" and it would have made sense. The clause before the comma is a dependent clause because without the second clause, it makes no sense at all. In other words, it cannot stand alone.

EXCLAMATION MARK:

An exclamation mark (!) is used to indicate that something is being exclaimed. This is its only purpose. There is no other reason to ever use an exclamation mark. Ever.

QUOTATION MARKS:

Quotation marks (") signify when something is being quoted. For some odd reason entirely beyond my comprehension, this is extremely confusing to many people. So many, in fact, that there is a whole blog about it. To clear up the confusion as best I can I will offer an example:

"Dinner's ready!" Mom yelled up the stairs.

The quotations marks surround dinner's ready because those are the only words being spoken, rather than narrated. If that isn't comprehensible, I can't help you. I do, however, think that quotation marks are confusing to people because people have taken to using them in conversation by signalling with their fingers. This is sometimes also used to indicate sarcasm, which can probably account for a good majority of the misinterpretation.

It is, however, perfectly acceptable to indicate sarcasm with quotation marks because they are still indicating that someone said something. As a fictional example, we can pretend that my friend John has just told me that he is busy tonight, when in fact I know that he is not. When venting to a friend I might say:

John's "busy" tonight, so he can't hang out. 

The use of those quotation marks helps my friend understand that John says he's busy but that I don't believe him, only in less words.

Remember, quotation marks are not used to emphasize a word. That's why we underline things.  

ELLIPSIS:

An ellipsis (...) is used to tell the reader that there is something that is not being said. This particular form of punctuation has been terribly abused. I have texting conversations regularly that look something like this:

Me: Hey! How are you?

Friend: I'm good... You?

Me: Oh, what's wrong?

Friend: Nothing... I said good...

See what just happened there? They mistook an ellipsis for a period, and thus made me think the exact opposite of everything they were saying.

COLON:

A colon (:) is used, in a general sense, to indicate that some sort of specification is coming up.

For example, it can be used to signify the presence of a list:

I went on a picnic and brought many things: jelly beans, pizza crust, pickled ham and onions. 

It can also be used to signal the start of a description:

I went on a beautiful picnic: the sun was shining and the trees still had morning dew gripping to their leaves.

I personally dislike that usage in most cases, though.

You get the general idea, eh?

SEMICOLON:

A semicolon (;) may be my favorite form of punctuation. This is most likely due to its ambiguity, making it hard to portray to you its proper usage.

A semicolon is used as a conjunction, just like the words "and" or "but". Without the use of a semicolon a sentence may look like this:

A semicolon may be my favorite form of punctuation and its ambiguity interests me.

Look at how much better our sentence reads if we use the semicolon as a conjunction:

A semicolon may be my favorite form of punctuation; its ambiguity interests me. 

As you can see, I had so many options with that sentence. I could have made it into two separate sentences. The problem I see with that in this particular case is that the two clauses are too closely relation to be divided with a period. Semicolons allow for stylistic writing, rather than writing "and" and "but" and "yet" all the time to conjoin clauses. I'm sure you're getting a taste for the ambiguity.


PARENTHESES:

Parentheses (()) are fun because they work in pairs.Their job is to close in optional information, excluding it from the rest of the sentence. The key to correctly using parentheses is making sure that your sentence can be read without the text in parentheses and still make sense:

That's a really good picture of Alexandria (even though she looks fat). 

I very well could have (and maybe should have) left out the part in the parentheses and the sentence would have operated perfectly well.

EM-DASH:

An em-dash (--) is similar to a dash (-) only longer, in appearance. Unfortunately, there is no key for an em-dash so I simply put two dashes next to each other. I will refrain from explaining the other forms that dashes can take simply because they are confusing and long and weird. But an em-dash is a very lovely piece of punctuation that should be brought to light.

Its function is extremely similar to the parentheses. In fact, most sentences that have parentheses can be re-written with em-dashes. Take this parenthetical sentence:

I gave Amy the necklaces (the blue and silver ones) to keep until I return. 

That sentence could employ em-dashes:

I gave Amy the necklaces-- the blue and silver ones-- to keep until I return. 

So what's the difference between those two sentences? Decidedly, the difference is strength. It is a much stronger break in thought to use em-dashes.

Another fun fact about em-dashes is that, unlike parentheses, they don't have to work in pairs. I could say:

I gave Amy necklaces to keep until I return-- the blue and silver ones. 


The uses of all of the above symbols are not limited to my examples, so feel free to explore their other uses.

Writing is a beautiful thing because it is versatile. Enjoy it.

Low-fare pretzels.

I don't know about you, but to me, this translated as:

We know our pretzels suck, okay? But maybe if you just (please!) think about how cheap our flights are, you won't mind so much? Please?

Why You Should Learn to Use Punctuation Properly

If I had to make a list of things I'm thankful for it would probably go something like this:

#1- The saving grace of God and all of its facets
#2- Relationships with other human beings
#3- The ability as humans to think deeply
#4- Adjectives
#5- Punctuation

As far as number four goes, without adjectives language would be pathetic and human thought would be stunted tremendously. Don't believe me? Think about "Newspeak" in 1984. Yeah. Scary. But that's beside the point. This post is really about number five: punctuation.

In all honesty, punctuation is a beautiful thing. It is not only helpful but it is artistic. The way that you can manipulate the voice of your reader with, one little piece of punctuation is amazing. See? While you were reading that as soon as you hit the comma you inserted a short pause and then probably read the rest of the sentence more quickly and in a different tone of voice. That was an example of a comma splice-- which is bad, but necessary in proving my point. So punctuation controls the reader, directs the reader and can paint a more beautiful picture in the reader's mind. Not to mention, without punctuation we wouldn't have very much sentence variation and we would all get really sick of simple sentences, I guarantee it. If nothing else, punctuation provides clarity in otherwise very confusing situations.


My friend recently got a text message that said:

what can she drive?

It is only safe to assume that, rather than asking what kind of vehicle (or other object, perhaps?) her little sister could drive, he was trying to say two separate sentences:

What? Can she drive?

or:

What! Can she drive?

You know, even placing a comma, an em-dash or an ellipses would have been better than nothing.

See how helpful punctuation is?

The lack of proper punctuation can also be very helpful in literary works. For instance, in the book Play it As it Lays, Joan Didion deliberately leaves out probably close to 90% of the question marks because a big theme in the book is the fact that the main character doesn't ask questions. These little, almost barely noticeable, nuances can create deep meaning in literature. However, if punctuation isn't learned to be used properly, its improper use can not add such meaning.  


So, for the sake of simple, day-to-day communication, the avoidance of awkward and potentially harmful situations, the cultivation of human thought, and the furthering of great cultural enrichment like deep and thought-provoking literature, you should learn to use proper punctuation.

Starbucks is Green

60% post-consumer materials!

Don't forget to throw this sleeve away after you use it, though. We wouldn't want you to reuse it, that's not our intention at all.

The Disgrace of Modern Children's Shows: Toddler Edition

I am going to take a look into modern-day television shows one by one.

Caillou:

     My nanny kids watch Caillou quite a bit so I'm basically an expert on this show. For those of you that for some inexcusable reason don't know every kids' television show by name, I will offer a description: This is the show that's about that bald kid that's perpetually four years old. It looks like it's drawn out with crayons.  For all of you parents, I highly recommend not looking to this show to give you any insight into parenting. For one thing, it is near impossible to distinguish Caillou's talking from his whining. Not only do they sound similar, they are both almost constantly present. 

      Secondly, Caillou's younger sister Rosie has some major growth abnormalities. Her age is both ambiguous and confusing. She drinks both juice and milk, meaning she has to be at least one. According to my recollection, she walks a little, but also does some crawling action. In spite of this, she sleeps in a bed, not a crib, which is both dangerous and stupid as a parent. She also can climb out of her bed without the help of anyone else, but for some reason sits and cries in her bed instead 90% of the time. She can also, without a doubt, understand all the conversation going on around her. She laughs at the same thing that everyone else does (as a separate critique, those things are just not funny). I know for a fact that she shouldn't find those things funny because the two-year-old that I watch it with doesn't even get the jokes, much less think they're funny. What's most surprising about her is that she can also speak in almost full sentences. I liken her speaking to that of a foreigner. Her english is improper and she often leaves out conjunctions and prepositions, but she has a full understanding of what she's saying and the words to choose. 

     The third reason to ignore all parental example given in this show is that no one in that family changes clothes-- ever. 

Barney:

      Ohhh Barney. No one over the age of ten will disagree that Barney is loud, obnoxious, and obviously unrealistic. I also have a hard time dealing with the mass amount of colors and noises in this show, but that's just a personal thing. The music is way super catchy; consequently, I have songs like "If you're happy and you know it..." or "Clean up, clean up..." or "If all the raindrops..." stuck in my head for days after a single episode. 

     I have to give the makers of Barney some props though. Unlike most of the other TV shows, Barney is pretty hardcore dedicated to teaching lessons in their episodes. I'm a fan of this because naughty children just... are a bummer. 

     My biggest problem with Barney has to do with the very premise of every episode. For the uninformed, Barney is a small stuffed animal that comes to life when the kids all come together to play. I can't help but think that all the kids are on some acid trip. How else could they all just imagination everything so vividly? I know it's a grim view, but I can't help it. 

Berenstain Bears:

     This is actually my favorite of the the toddler-oriented kids shows. It's just kinda cute. It has plots that someone older than the age of five can actually appreciate. But there's a lot of weird things about it, too. To support my case I will simply give you the lyrics to the theme song:

Somewhere deep in Bear Country
Lives the Berenstain Bear family
They're kind of furry around the torso
They're a lot like people, only more so


The bear fact is that
They're just like you and me
The only difference
Is they live in a tree


The Berenstain Bears


When things go wrong as things might do
The Berenstain Bears will find a way through
Mama, Papa, Sister and Brother
They'll always be there for each other


The bear fact is that
They can be sweet as honey
Sometimes you'll find
They might be just plain funny


The Berenstain Bears
The Berenstain Bears

The only difference is that they live in a tree? Really? Let's just confuse our children's identities until they run around with bear skin clawing things. Great. 

Fireman Sam:

     This show is awesome if you're looking for an instant headache. I challenge you to spend thirty seconds watching this show. Really. The voices of the characters are unbelievable.